Weeks 20 to 22 / Kerala (3)/ Life in Amma's ashram at Amritapuri

Weeks 20 to 22/ From 24 February to 13 March 2014

Second week in Amritapuri was even more exciting than the first. Despite my mind trying to get me away from the place, I listened to my heart and kept decided to see Amma on a tour giving darshan outside of the ashram and also get my first darshan too. Buses being chartered from Amritapuri to Trivandrum, I decided to take one on Tuesday. In the bus I met my second great friend in Amritapuri, an incredibly generous and inspiring american girl who guided me and another boy into the right places at the right times. After listening to Amma speaking and seeing her hug hundreds of people, my turn came and, while joy had been the predominant feeling till that moment, I suddenly felt gravity in my heart, a vague fear of being "read" by someone I did not know if I could trust and a childish worry of not deserving to appear in front of such an incredible soul. But a few seconds after, when Amma said love words in my ear with her crazy energy, I burst with laughter, not expecting that simplicity and cherfullness. After that, I was allowed to sit on stage less than two meters from her during at least one hour and observe her giving darshan to all those people with a grace and fluidity comparable to a beautiful dance. Several times my eyes crossed Amma's eyes and each time I felt a great communicative joy passing through. As my american friend told me once, looked like Amma was The Real Thing! Not some kind of soft distant meditative guru, but a more involved and energetic sort... I definitely liked it and went back to the ashram with the others to wait for Amma to come back and learn more about her. On thursday, Amma was back and gave me my second darshan as well as my secret mantra designed to help me meditate and connect to divine energy more easily. Days passed in both peaceful and exciting manners.´I liked listening to the spiritual singings in the main hall while sweeping the floor and cleaning tables of the western cafe and reciting my mantra in silence. I liked the set sitting time on stage next to Amma on darshan days. What an inspiration to see Amma giving her love, attention, energy, offering blessed food (prasad), putting prayer beads on uncountable necks, and counseling people in need too, tirelessly smiling and barely stopping to swallow a few bites or refresh in the adjacent bathroom. This 4 days a week from 11 AM to minimum 10PM and very often late in the night, since decades... Amma demonstrating daily you can always give something even when you think you can't: time, smile, hug, food, help... I liked the guided meditation on the beach with Amma twice a week at 5PM. Angels passing...and then Amma answering a few questions, in her dynamic and empowering way I liked and related to more and more, so close maybe to my own (misused) energy... As much as the bhajan time (the devotional singing) every evening between 7 and 8 PM, I really loved the carnatic singing lessons we had on Tuesday morning with a teacher doted with an interestingly very high pitched voice. It reminded me of the morning daily singing lessons Ihad in Mysore with lovely Shetana, moments of pure happiness... As a rythm began to install in my life in Amritapuri, I naturally went back to daily yoga practice at evening time in my room, despite the heavy heat even under the fan, but happy to feel my body and mind aligning slowly by slowly. Studying Amma's teaching and observing her everyday, I felt my heart opening more each day.

On first days of March, after the over excitment follow ex by extreme tiredness of the precious week, I began to feel calmer and more centered. Cutting a bit on food, sleeping more (even a quick nap) and sticking to daily yoga also helped in that respect. I took the habit of reading and meditating on the beach and even bought a metal box which allowed me to take away my food whenever I felt I needed to be alone. On Tuesday, I experienced my first prasad day. After fasting for breakfast and chanting archana (the 1000 names of the divine mother), and listening to a speech by Amma in answer to recent accusations against her and the ashram by a former resident, the hundreds of us given our lunch directly from the hands of Amma. Each Tuesday Amma gives prasad to the residents as a demonstration of humility and she just have a few bites before starting to give darshan to the visitors who have to leave the ashram that same day. That same week I decided to change my Seva (selfless work), my discouraging sweeping of the floor of the western cafe which remained clean only one hour before the leaves falling from the trees covered it again...I wanted to work in the garden instead. But when I went to see the Seva desk and asked for a change, the computers went blank and they said to me that it was probably a no answer by Amma. So I kept the job nobody wanted and tried to do it my best for the rest of my stay, happy to sweep the floor while listening to archana from nearby main hall. I am beginning to feel torn because I love being in the ashram and see Amma every day, but I committed to meet my sister and her husband in Bali soon, and I want to see more of South India before leaving the country. And there is that 2 days IAM meditation course at the beginning of next week that I would like to follow. finally, I decide to stay till IAM meditation course and then leave for a crazy travel week between Varkala, Kanyakumari, Madurai and Chennai, from where i will fly to Bali. I feel sad to know i will be leaving soon but I know deep inside of me that my round the world trip is not finished yet. My thirst for adventure is not quenched despite the astrologer telling me that my birth chart indicated a potential self realization in this life... That same week I experience twice the prasad giving during the ashram. It's the honorific duty of being sitted behind Amma and putting in her hand the consecrated ash rolls and other gifts that she offers to every person she hugs. I feel very touched to participate to Amma's darshan and witness from so close the joy and the pain of so many people coming to Amma for help from everywhere. And again, how strongly inspiring isthe example set by Amma's behaviour. Acts are stronger than words.

Monday is the first day of my last week in Amritapuri. As the baywatch team of dangerous ashram beach is operational,  I have my first authorized bath in the sea that morning. All dressed and women on one side of the beach, men on the other. But still, it's so good to swim in cool water when you have such a crazy heat as in Kerala.  Highlight of the week is IAM Meditation course from Tuesday to Thursday. I am very curious to learn Amma's meditation method as I find it difficult to practice daily pranayama (breathing) exercices and meditation in addition to yoga. IAM is very interesting in that respect although I am not sure I will practice every day especially when traveling. Due to a transport strike announced for Friday, I have to leave the ashram in a hurry right after the end of the IAM course,  and jump into the first bus heading to beach town of Varkala where I arrive late in the night.